You maybe thought she was it.... the one...the IT GIRL.....oops.....i guess no one warned you huh...how she really ones, maybe no one knew, maybe she had them all fooled, and then you...what did you do to deserve and "love" like this? its been a while with her, what happened, what carried your heart out to sea, far away from the warmth aftropical island ,love? Time happened i guess....no not time....truth, unveiling, the removale of that secret screen where the lies were piling up maybe...i dunno....maybe the lies were screaming so loud, you finally heard them.....
Maybe it was HER or HER that recaptured your attention, or maybe they brain washed you. Who was the real tadpole, and who is the real sharks...who was acting like a dolphin in sharks skin...or a shark in dolphins skin. Have you no pride, dignity, fareness? how cruel of you, how smart of you....how misunderstanding of you...how perfectly clear of you. Fool, you can cut off the fishing line now, but the hook will remain in your skin forever, now your bound to her by a fate that will live past your own prime....idiot. A little to much, and a little to late...smart then, dumb now.....idiot.
Friday, February 29, 2008
HER
My hearts not broken, i guess this is something you could argue with after reading my past blogs. Yes it has BEEN broken, but the ice around it has frozen it back to its original cold self....so the blogs, the words, the pain that i write into these blogs...where does it come from you mite ask me...that's simple......
Him..her...her..him and him and her and her and him and all of them,.....there people I know, the people i love, the people i see....love boarders itself from me, I am limited to the knowledge of what love can create and destroy, but I see it, I may not feel it, I hear it, but i can not feel it. Is that true? that i don't feel feel it, that i cant...if that was the case would any of this touch anybody....does it? If love were a piece of land it would be tropical, full of green palm trees, wild plants, plentiful food, white sand and sparkling oceans.....I'm in the north pole...that's how far love seeks to be from me. Again, I'm writing about love...i guess i just watch for it. like when a mother leaves the outside lamp burning waiting for her husband to return from war, or hunting...my lamp swings in the chilled air of a snowy dessert...in this case its called my heart.
Curse this thing called love.....
Lets start with her.....
I'm sorry this happened to u, I'm sorry your heart has been ripped from your chest, stomped on while lying in a puddle of blood and left there for all the world to see its damages. what a cruel world for you...hmm..karma....whats left of your soul maybe unrecognizable, i don't think i know you anymore. does it hurt...yes i know it does, you tell me this... to leave you on that fishing line, a little tadpole in a pool of sharks..how could he.....why would he...bored....annoyed.....hmmm Karma...is this the worse pain you feel i wonder, could this pain get worse? it can get worse all the time, as long as u still have pieces of your soul....when u no longer feel such pains * like me* your soul has been devoured by your own insecurities, by the unloved that eat at Ur heart, when the last pieces of shattered and someone came with the broom, swept it up and threw it away * I didn't notice when that happened to me* Oh how painful it is right now..to look up at the sky, to look to Ur left, right and all around u...I'm sure it all reminds u of him...how sad.....hmmm....karma...
Him..her...her..him and him and her and her and him and all of them,.....there people I know, the people i love, the people i see....love boarders itself from me, I am limited to the knowledge of what love can create and destroy, but I see it, I may not feel it, I hear it, but i can not feel it. Is that true? that i don't feel feel it, that i cant...if that was the case would any of this touch anybody....does it? If love were a piece of land it would be tropical, full of green palm trees, wild plants, plentiful food, white sand and sparkling oceans.....I'm in the north pole...that's how far love seeks to be from me. Again, I'm writing about love...i guess i just watch for it. like when a mother leaves the outside lamp burning waiting for her husband to return from war, or hunting...my lamp swings in the chilled air of a snowy dessert...in this case its called my heart.
Curse this thing called love.....
Lets start with her.....
I'm sorry this happened to u, I'm sorry your heart has been ripped from your chest, stomped on while lying in a puddle of blood and left there for all the world to see its damages. what a cruel world for you...hmm..karma....whats left of your soul maybe unrecognizable, i don't think i know you anymore. does it hurt...yes i know it does, you tell me this... to leave you on that fishing line, a little tadpole in a pool of sharks..how could he.....why would he...bored....annoyed.....hmmm Karma...is this the worse pain you feel i wonder, could this pain get worse? it can get worse all the time, as long as u still have pieces of your soul....when u no longer feel such pains * like me* your soul has been devoured by your own insecurities, by the unloved that eat at Ur heart, when the last pieces of shattered and someone came with the broom, swept it up and threw it away * I didn't notice when that happened to me* Oh how painful it is right now..to look up at the sky, to look to Ur left, right and all around u...I'm sure it all reminds u of him...how sad.....hmmm....karma...
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
spring forward
so ho-hum here comes the spring.....they say that at this time of year just like the birds and the bees, humans come out to play. The sun shines more, poeple are out and about more, leaving there house hold dungeons where most of hibernated thru the winter months...
Not me.....
I never was one to understand all the lovy dovey stuff at spring time, and as far as i can remember now, i wasnt ever looking for a bf for sooo many reasons...but this spring..this year..2008 is different some how, i dont kno why and i cant explain it, but i think the spring love thing is gettin to me. I never wanted a BF right now for that fact that i KNOW im not staying here, and i have HUGE plans, and as far as im concered, you get a bf and in a few years all your plans change cause u have this relationship...no offence guys, but what makes u so special that have to change my entire life path to be loved...ok maybe that sounds a little harsh, im not sure, but i want a guy who will move with me not agaisnt me. The other problem is people change there life paths constantly until they set it in stone, this i kno cause i have changed mine about 30 times. Im 100% certain of what I want to do now, i guess thats why im waiting for love, wait until im setteled down more.....but again...this feeling....this year,i cant help shaking the feeling that ive been pushin love off for so long now, and it kinda let me....but now...im not so certain im can fight it anymore, better yet i dont think im allowed to. maybe some higher power has been telling me to push off love this long, because i kno and it knows that my heart is very strong, and i was goig to be one of the lucky ones to have my soulmate....what a fairy tale huh, but we all have to beleive in somthin...and if your gonna dream, might as well dream big... so I kno some guys that like me...but i guess there not the one..like i can feel the wind forcing itself, just like the chinooks force itself upon the frozen snow, it melts it, just like this force is a chinook wind on my frozen ice incrusted heart...why do i suddenly now seek love, tho not of that which is infront of me, but that of wich i kno is on its way.....maybe....maybe it was ....him......maybe it was he who melted it, opened up somthing that only he ended up having the key to. As fate allowes it maybe he is the only one to pass thru my soul, where no one else could....or was allowed....when he looked at me..i saw somthin, i felt somthin not familiar....maybe this is where its started, where the small chinook breeze began. oh how complicated our hearts are...such a curse a organ made to keep us alive, but an emotion to either bond us or destroy our being...im gonne welcome spring this year, like i do any other year...except this year...maybe i can except love,.....maybe i can make a SMALL difference in my life, to allow it, i think im suppose to now, someone or somthing is saying its time....i hope im not being taken up to high.....for the higher you are, the longer and harder you fall....
Not me.....
I never was one to understand all the lovy dovey stuff at spring time, and as far as i can remember now, i wasnt ever looking for a bf for sooo many reasons...but this spring..this year..2008 is different some how, i dont kno why and i cant explain it, but i think the spring love thing is gettin to me. I never wanted a BF right now for that fact that i KNOW im not staying here, and i have HUGE plans, and as far as im concered, you get a bf and in a few years all your plans change cause u have this relationship...no offence guys, but what makes u so special that have to change my entire life path to be loved...ok maybe that sounds a little harsh, im not sure, but i want a guy who will move with me not agaisnt me. The other problem is people change there life paths constantly until they set it in stone, this i kno cause i have changed mine about 30 times. Im 100% certain of what I want to do now, i guess thats why im waiting for love, wait until im setteled down more.....but again...this feeling....this year,i cant help shaking the feeling that ive been pushin love off for so long now, and it kinda let me....but now...im not so certain im can fight it anymore, better yet i dont think im allowed to. maybe some higher power has been telling me to push off love this long, because i kno and it knows that my heart is very strong, and i was goig to be one of the lucky ones to have my soulmate....what a fairy tale huh, but we all have to beleive in somthin...and if your gonna dream, might as well dream big... so I kno some guys that like me...but i guess there not the one..like i can feel the wind forcing itself, just like the chinooks force itself upon the frozen snow, it melts it, just like this force is a chinook wind on my frozen ice incrusted heart...why do i suddenly now seek love, tho not of that which is infront of me, but that of wich i kno is on its way.....maybe....maybe it was ....him......maybe it was he who melted it, opened up somthing that only he ended up having the key to. As fate allowes it maybe he is the only one to pass thru my soul, where no one else could....or was allowed....when he looked at me..i saw somthin, i felt somthin not familiar....maybe this is where its started, where the small chinook breeze began. oh how complicated our hearts are...such a curse a organ made to keep us alive, but an emotion to either bond us or destroy our being...im gonne welcome spring this year, like i do any other year...except this year...maybe i can except love,.....maybe i can make a SMALL difference in my life, to allow it, i think im suppose to now, someone or somthing is saying its time....i hope im not being taken up to high.....for the higher you are, the longer and harder you fall....
Tears unknown
Im sorry she hurt you....
Im sorry she made you cry.....
Im sorry that she was the reason to bring tears to your eyes.......
Im sorry she made you cry.....
Im sorry that she was the reason to bring tears to your eyes.......
Sunday, February 17, 2008
You kno its over when
Her: " I don't kno what to do, i dont want to feel like thing anymore, why cant he just say he loves me and kiss me....why does he treat me like this...."
Friend: Get up and tell him your leaving, maybe that will knock some sense into his head and make him realize how importnat you are to him.
Her: He wont do anything, i know he wont, he gets mad at me for asking how he is feeling...
Friend: " just try it, c'mon its worth a shot..
Her: " No, cause i kno he will just shrug and let me walk out...
Friend: If your so sure about that, the what the fuck are you fighting for anymore?
Friend: Get up and tell him your leaving, maybe that will knock some sense into his head and make him realize how importnat you are to him.
Her: He wont do anything, i know he wont, he gets mad at me for asking how he is feeling...
Friend: " just try it, c'mon its worth a shot..
Her: " No, cause i kno he will just shrug and let me walk out...
Friend: If your so sure about that, the what the fuck are you fighting for anymore?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Past, present, future
Ur only in love wih the right person, for right now....cause im the person for right then, and forever
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Retardted consumers
One day a year, people show more love in the world then any other day....
when every other day we need love more then anything....
welcome to v-day, the consumers buy out day. why does it take ONE DAY a year to say i love u, and the rest of the days to say, i dont want to be with u. No im not complaing cause this unholy hoilday always leaves me alone to wonder in my own insanity, but i dislike it for how people EXPECT loving presents...and EXPECT the I LOVE YOU's today. but tommorow, they will go back to the way they were, side by side and completley alone. Fuck the v-day, it unreal, its a single day in the year where we get to play fairy tale. yay im fuckin cinderella, livin in the 7 dwarves cabin, who will bring me gifts today, and a bed to sleep in where i will sleep for hundreds of years after pricking my finger on a spinning wheel. so let me sleep till the v-day cause that MUST be when MY prince will come. HOGWASH!!!!! This is not a holiday, this is a torturing 24 hours of undecency, where love shall reign and then fall harder then ever. stupid v-day, who the hell made this shit up anyways....?
when every other day we need love more then anything....
welcome to v-day, the consumers buy out day. why does it take ONE DAY a year to say i love u, and the rest of the days to say, i dont want to be with u. No im not complaing cause this unholy hoilday always leaves me alone to wonder in my own insanity, but i dislike it for how people EXPECT loving presents...and EXPECT the I LOVE YOU's today. but tommorow, they will go back to the way they were, side by side and completley alone. Fuck the v-day, it unreal, its a single day in the year where we get to play fairy tale. yay im fuckin cinderella, livin in the 7 dwarves cabin, who will bring me gifts today, and a bed to sleep in where i will sleep for hundreds of years after pricking my finger on a spinning wheel. so let me sleep till the v-day cause that MUST be when MY prince will come. HOGWASH!!!!! This is not a holiday, this is a torturing 24 hours of undecency, where love shall reign and then fall harder then ever. stupid v-day, who the hell made this shit up anyways....?
the battle field
You shouldnt have to impress him.....
it shouldnt take make up and a hair do to make him fall in love with u again.
He should love you for ur attributes...
and appreciate u for your flaws...
If he despised you in the future, will you still love him, will you still be with him?
How long will you wait for him to smile at you again, how long will you wait for him to say those words to you again....how long will you let urself be lost....
We all fight for what we beleive in, didnt anyone ever tell u that war leads to death....sometimes when u dont leave the battle field you get shot on it, and lie there and slowly die.....
how long will you choose to survive that battle field, will you stay....and hope u win? your troops are gone and your ammo is empty, what are u fighting with anymore. May god grant u ur miracle, and if not...how long will u wait....
it shouldnt take make up and a hair do to make him fall in love with u again.
He should love you for ur attributes...
and appreciate u for your flaws...
If he despised you in the future, will you still love him, will you still be with him?
How long will you wait for him to smile at you again, how long will you wait for him to say those words to you again....how long will you let urself be lost....
We all fight for what we beleive in, didnt anyone ever tell u that war leads to death....sometimes when u dont leave the battle field you get shot on it, and lie there and slowly die.....
how long will you choose to survive that battle field, will you stay....and hope u win? your troops are gone and your ammo is empty, what are u fighting with anymore. May god grant u ur miracle, and if not...how long will u wait....
Discreption at its finest..
How to to say no to a guy who askes you out and u dont want to date him....
*from the wise mouth of my cousin*
HIM: so will you go out with me, cause i like u and...yea u kno....
HER: Um...Dont you work every day?
Go marcy, ur my hero....
*from the wise mouth of my cousin*
HIM: so will you go out with me, cause i like u and...yea u kno....
HER: Um...Dont you work every day?
Go marcy, ur my hero....
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
to love wrong
You are everything I could believe in
You might be everything I’m needing
Can you be what I say?
Can you say my name today?
Lets start this all off right
Can I fall in love at first sight?
Hello, you maybe it
Hello this could be it
Do not let this end,
Do not let this end.
I am afraid not to shine
I am afraid to not have you as mine
Lets take off and leave this behind
I think we are 2 of a kind
Your soul, is it speaking to me
Come with me, there is a lot to see
Are you in love to?
Wait ur not, what do I do?
This is not the feelings you got,
I am alone, alone in this spot
Do not turn away, there has to be something
Anything…
You are mine to shine,
Do not leave me behind…
Someone else? Who…
Do they love you…like I do?
Cannot I be your everything?
Your end and your beginning?
No, your smile is for me not her…
What hated emotions this all stirs.
Please love who I am
I will not stand for this, your suppose to be my man
Careful what you say right now
I am fragile I just dont know how…
How did ur love not fall for me…
Why was this love not meant to be?..
I am left in the darken alley
You’ve walked away, I can’t see
Tears they flow
But I loved you so.
Where are you now, why aren’t u here
To wipe my eyes and every tear…
You were suppose to be mine to shine…
Why did you leave me behind?..
You might be everything I’m needing
Can you be what I say?
Can you say my name today?
Lets start this all off right
Can I fall in love at first sight?
Hello, you maybe it
Hello this could be it
Do not let this end,
Do not let this end.
I am afraid not to shine
I am afraid to not have you as mine
Lets take off and leave this behind
I think we are 2 of a kind
Your soul, is it speaking to me
Come with me, there is a lot to see
Are you in love to?
Wait ur not, what do I do?
This is not the feelings you got,
I am alone, alone in this spot
Do not turn away, there has to be something
Anything…
You are mine to shine,
Do not leave me behind…
Someone else? Who…
Do they love you…like I do?
Cannot I be your everything?
Your end and your beginning?
No, your smile is for me not her…
What hated emotions this all stirs.
Please love who I am
I will not stand for this, your suppose to be my man
Careful what you say right now
I am fragile I just dont know how…
How did ur love not fall for me…
Why was this love not meant to be?..
I am left in the darken alley
You’ve walked away, I can’t see
Tears they flow
But I loved you so.
Where are you now, why aren’t u here
To wipe my eyes and every tear…
You were suppose to be mine to shine…
Why did you leave me behind?..
welcome...
Razorblades to the throat, knuckles to the head. Pain thru the body, blood to the ground. No emotion, nothing but tears. Feel the pain, feel the freedom, feel nothing. Carry on stop now. Thank you for understanding; I hate you for not listening. Hold me close, let me go. Don’t come near me, don’t stay away. Welcome to my universe.
no...
Can I float thru the universe?
No direction, no end, no beginning…
Float. no where, to everywhere…
Jump upon stars; create a gravity of my own…
Welcome to the freedom…
No sounds, no lights, pure darkness…
No fear here, not even happiness…
Nothing... the universe...
Float thru nothing-just space…
Peaceful….
No direction, no end, no beginning…
Float. no where, to everywhere…
Jump upon stars; create a gravity of my own…
Welcome to the freedom…
No sounds, no lights, pure darkness…
No fear here, not even happiness…
Nothing... the universe...
Float thru nothing-just space…
Peaceful….
Photosynthesis
Plants are so free, they are allowed to grow up, or down to the side, they embody their roots to the ground as far as they can down, and grow as high as they will decide…. I wish I were a plant, for some reason a plant has the freedom we people don’t. Then again, a plant can always be suddenly ripped from its security, we don’t hear it cry out in pain, but we see it as the days go by, it gets depressed, we try to nurture it, but it still only lasts for so long, before we picked it, before we interfered it was a wonderful thing, full of life and beauty. Now look at it this way…. we are the plants and we are the pickers, and in turn we destroy ourselves, we pick us up, put us on the table for all to see and admire, and we have to keep up a look to still be loved, but then we cant handle the climate, to surroundings, and we begin to wither, we begin to brown, we begin to die…. and when there is no more use for us, we are thrown to the side, there in the garbage we lie…. we lie there, and slowly die…. welcome to life.
Define happyness
Are you happy, tell me as you read this are you happy? Everyone is happy, everyone is sad and everyone hurts, and one causes hurt. What are you right now as you read this? Pain? Can you defy that, is it stated as physical? Mental? Emotional? Defy pain to me, can you, defy my pain and defy yours, are they same? No of course not.
windows
Windows, I see windows when I close my eyes, I see blue skies and never ending ocean, I see nothingness and everything, I see beginning and I see ending. This feels like the place one could be when they die. You make a decision here, what is that choice? Where am I? Why do I see this place?
Nightmare
Can I stare at you now? All day long, morning light peeks thru my window, I’m just going to stare at you for as long as I can. Will you please stay asleep? Keep your eyelids closed, so peaceful, ill lie my head beside u all day, and stare at you. The peach silk that hold ur soul I feel against my own, what a unbelievable feeling. The air is not like it is when I’m alone, I’m not alone I’m with u, the air opens up, breathes with us, lets us know that we have made it happy with our visit. Welcome its says. Smile…you …can I never loose you please…i never want to loose this feeling, I never want it to go away. The large pillowed mattress we lye on, moves as you shift, don’t get up ok, I just want to stare at you. You can open ur eyes now you can look at me. I just opened my eyes…. your not there…a dream…a wonderful and horrible dream.
Human condition
From my chest at times it burst, I feel like I could cry, and nothing smoothes it over for that moment in time, I don’t even know how I calm myself, I just do. Welcome to my heart or lack of. Welcome to un-simplicity of the human mind. The mother ship has been gone a long time, I wonder if ill ever get home. This human condition has become unbearable. Why are we still here, why haven’t they come to rescue us from the indecency of humans? Where does my own mind stand, its been lost in forever trivial adds and the unsatisfied customer. Do humans have soul I wonder, I see glimmers of what they call love, but have yet to experience such a thing. Welcome to the un-blossomed flower, welcome to the dirt in which I still live in and am too afraid to pull thru. Why is that? The littlest of things make me smile, not like they do other people. I think I have a larger idea of the universe then most of these humanoid robots that surface this coffee and fast food driven world.
Lettin off some random steam
Some say only fools fall in love, but what about the fool whom don’t fall in love. Why is it so easy to get attracted then to fall out of it just as quick, what really is the definition for love? How does one fall, marry, spawn children then one day wake up and hate the person whom has been sleeping beside them for years, helped raise there children, built a life with, to have it all end on the sudden lack of the feeling of love. What about those who don’t fall in love at all, fear maybe, anti trust to many broken hearts before? I guess maybe I’m under that category of a no lover. HA it’s kind of funny to say that but that’s just what it is I guess. Those who fall easily also let the world walk all over and those who hide from love fight off the world and everything in it, I know that I just argue with everything and have no idea why. I have a friend who is trying to make her love work and its not. Together for so many years then suddenly its ended just like that, he can’t stand her, she just wants to be with him like a never ending story. Tide to his being and essence of everything he is, but he wants nothing to do with her cause it just seem un-ethical suddenly to him. To be with someone, what is it that you need, what do u need to think of, what fires need to burn in you and what fires need to be set out? What feeling need to surface, and to hold on to love which feeling need to be buried in depths so dark? Maybe that’s how u fall out of love, you re seek those odd feeling out and fall in to the dark, where there is no light, no love and no return, I guess this is called hate. Its funny, u can fall in to love, and then they say you fall out of love, how is that possible, since when could the human body defy gravity without science at its heels. He is an everlasting question, why do we write so much about love? We all seek it and we get it and then we all don’t…. so why always write about it. Its like the wars raging out in the world are nothing to wars raging in our hearts.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
I could stare at you all night
Not blinking, afraid to take a breath
I saw ur own soul wrapped around u
Not inside u, but engulfing you
Caressing ur skin, your being, the way I wished I could
Did they see it to?Was it just me?
Did ur soul reach out and touch me
Did it ask my inner being to say hello
Was it a moment?
I think I stared at you all night
I wanted to feel ur heart beat
Wanted to make sure you were real
Is this how love feels
Can love be this sudden?
I now think deep thoughts of u
Deeper thoughts then I thought I could ever have
I’ve gone so far in my own mind
In my own soul
That im guaranteed to drown
From this I will never resurface
Are u my oxygen then?
As I would beg for the air to fill my lungs
That thought still wouldn’t be as strong…As the thoughts of you
Am I drowning in love?
This can hurt me,This does hurt me.
Once… love has sucked my life away,
But I returned , just as the waters from the river,
always return to the sea
My heart is like these never ending rivers,
.These twist and turns of land changing waters,
My heart changes me, can I drown again?
Wait…do you see me?
Can you pull me out, am I even drowning yet?
For now the waters clear
My lungs filled with air
Is this…how love feels?
Not blinking, afraid to take a breath
I saw ur own soul wrapped around u
Not inside u, but engulfing you
Caressing ur skin, your being, the way I wished I could
Did they see it to?Was it just me?
Did ur soul reach out and touch me
Did it ask my inner being to say hello
Was it a moment?
I think I stared at you all night
I wanted to feel ur heart beat
Wanted to make sure you were real
Is this how love feels
Can love be this sudden?
I now think deep thoughts of u
Deeper thoughts then I thought I could ever have
I’ve gone so far in my own mind
In my own soul
That im guaranteed to drown
From this I will never resurface
Are u my oxygen then?
As I would beg for the air to fill my lungs
That thought still wouldn’t be as strong…As the thoughts of you
Am I drowning in love?
This can hurt me,This does hurt me.
Once… love has sucked my life away,
But I returned , just as the waters from the river,
always return to the sea
My heart is like these never ending rivers,
.These twist and turns of land changing waters,
My heart changes me, can I drown again?
Wait…do you see me?
Can you pull me out, am I even drowning yet?
For now the waters clear
My lungs filled with air
Is this…how love feels?
First Blogg
So Ive fell upon this site a few times in the past couple days, i figure i might aswell join it. I highly doubt if anyone even reads these... but fuck who cares. U doubt i kno anyone. Ive read a few blogs from other people tho, some are boring, where others show true emotions but not throu simple words. I wont say the name, but i have found one persons blog that keeps me comming back for more. So i guess i can pretty much put up anything here. so this being the FIRST blog, its obvious. as for others i guess ill be puttin up poerty and other life moving experiences here. well here goes the fun then.....
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