Eye to eye, suddenly heart to heart, face to face, body to body......
The simplest of smile, the softest of eyes. The careful movement of a hand and the sway of the hair. These 2 separate moments fit together perfectly. a stillness in time, and whisper thru the air, that only we hear. Not a voice we recognize and one we hear often. it beckons us both, whispers, push us in the middle. Are you the one, am i the one. Surrender soft sweet strawberries to u, caress the silk, feel the skin thast even closer then my own is. Feel soft finger tips, freeze a moment in time stand wide awake, and fall into this new dream, never shall we wake. Are you the one, Am i the one? Even the blind man can see what this is., praise the power that makes us meet here, that makes us see each other, gather all our senses and mold into one. texture undefined, sweet nothings whispered all the time. never falter a single brush, always hang on to this single moment, they can take the future, i don't want them to, but we have the right here right now. Enlighten our senses, caress my soul, cherish this unbelievable rip in time. Carry me farther in one second, then i shall ever go in my entire life. Come with me...Are you the one? am i the one? sweet strawberries never end, fields of never ending bliss. This is what makes the wind blow, this is what causes the tree to move, this is what changes the seasons, this is what makes the moon shine and sun warm, this is what breathes life into us. Standing on water, never going to drown, feeling like I'm drowning all ready. care for me like the moon watches its stars. With you, hope, and believe have become my body guards, they surround me and wrap me in there silk. Are you the one? Am I the one? this is here, this is now, never let this go. If tomorrow you shall part, take our souls, lie them in the fields of gold, even if flesh and blood shall separate, never will our being. I needed this moment, even if it shall not last, even if this feeling comes so strong, lifts me above heaven, and sooner shoots me to hell, i need this moment....
Are you the one? Am i the one.......Are you?
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Family ties that forever bind!
I feel sorry for people who don't have supportive families, cause i couldn't imagine getting thru the crisis were in now, alone and unloved. lets start off simple....
My mother is the youngest of 10 kids, so you can well imagine that gives me 10 aunts and 9 uncles plus one already dearly departed. And with man and women bares children, i don't know who many cousin i have, maybe around 36 on that side. So either way u can well imagine our Christmas's and family reunions.
So with a large family living all over Canada, its hard to keep in touch, this my mother does by seeking our her 4-5 sister * i cant even remember how many she has* and taking off on there yearly rondavu called the yaya sister hood. By doing this they set aside 4 days to go somewhere in Canada away from children, jobs, husbands and daily stress. If you knew my mother and her sisters you would wanna be that fly on the wall, cause let me tell u , you would be crying from laughing so hard. When ever she comes back from these , its a no tell story, its one of the benefits of her trip, no one is allowed to kno what happened.
This year my mom and her sisters should be leaving around the 15th.....tho this year it shall not happen.
Families flock together for holidays, for companionship, and my mom and her sister get together to talk and catch up on each others lives. With sudden tragic news this plan had been canceled this year, but family prevails thru all odds. I suppose i should explain the tragedy. To put it in the most mild way, my cousin, in fact my favorite cousin, the sister i never had, suddenly tried taking her own life. In this she had nearly succeeded. I wont tell the whole story but i can say this, she was in a coma and on life support. The lines of communication came open. To a bunch of relatives who usually only talk once a year, show so much eagerness to be part of ant situation and ready to trun around and come home if ever needed for the ones they love. I kno there is alot of families like this, but u see few more and more every day. Relatives in Mexico, to relatives in other provinces, the line of communication hasn't shut down since. I'm Happy to report that as of 3:00 pm today my cousin no longer in on life support and is coherent, the down side, she isn't remembering much, its a time tells all thing..she could have forgotten everyone. when i found out what happened, i wanted to cry, i didn't...my mom was crying and sat there taking a deep breath. Im not cryer, never was, i guess as cold hearted as it is to say, i find it being a weakness to myself. Also i figured if i started crying it would of meant she died, like i was already saying goodbye, and god know i wasn't ready to do that. This cousin has always been a sort of role model for me, and if it wasn't for her words, i still think i would be stuck wondering what i wanna do with my life. So now i figured i had to write about it to get it off my chest. this all happened cause her heart was broken....
I cam to some ideas about it, more so religious ideas...
Was she so hurt by the loss of love, that god knew, hew knew her pain and told her she could come home? not that god gives permission to kill yourself, but i mean while she was in a coma.
maybe our prayers reached him and he heard how much we still wanted her with us, there for a compromise had to be met . Does god compromise? he would make her forget him, but with a price, us as well. what harder...to hear ur child has died from attempted suicide, or to hear ur child doesn't know who you are from attempted suicide but you can make something as to why there in the hospital and don't remember for there sanity sakes? when one survives such a horrible thing, how do they feel about it after? We all have had thoughts of suicide, many of my friends say they have stopped cause they thought of how there family and friends would feel. so how blank is the mind when the thought of family doesn't even come up when you swallow each pill one by one?
Again a situation i guess i really don't kno about, Ive never been that far, nor do i wish i ever will be.... i feel better now..
My mother is the youngest of 10 kids, so you can well imagine that gives me 10 aunts and 9 uncles plus one already dearly departed. And with man and women bares children, i don't know who many cousin i have, maybe around 36 on that side. So either way u can well imagine our Christmas's and family reunions.
So with a large family living all over Canada, its hard to keep in touch, this my mother does by seeking our her 4-5 sister * i cant even remember how many she has* and taking off on there yearly rondavu called the yaya sister hood. By doing this they set aside 4 days to go somewhere in Canada away from children, jobs, husbands and daily stress. If you knew my mother and her sisters you would wanna be that fly on the wall, cause let me tell u , you would be crying from laughing so hard. When ever she comes back from these , its a no tell story, its one of the benefits of her trip, no one is allowed to kno what happened.
This year my mom and her sisters should be leaving around the 15th.....tho this year it shall not happen.
Families flock together for holidays, for companionship, and my mom and her sister get together to talk and catch up on each others lives. With sudden tragic news this plan had been canceled this year, but family prevails thru all odds. I suppose i should explain the tragedy. To put it in the most mild way, my cousin, in fact my favorite cousin, the sister i never had, suddenly tried taking her own life. In this she had nearly succeeded. I wont tell the whole story but i can say this, she was in a coma and on life support. The lines of communication came open. To a bunch of relatives who usually only talk once a year, show so much eagerness to be part of ant situation and ready to trun around and come home if ever needed for the ones they love. I kno there is alot of families like this, but u see few more and more every day. Relatives in Mexico, to relatives in other provinces, the line of communication hasn't shut down since. I'm Happy to report that as of 3:00 pm today my cousin no longer in on life support and is coherent, the down side, she isn't remembering much, its a time tells all thing..she could have forgotten everyone. when i found out what happened, i wanted to cry, i didn't...my mom was crying and sat there taking a deep breath. Im not cryer, never was, i guess as cold hearted as it is to say, i find it being a weakness to myself. Also i figured if i started crying it would of meant she died, like i was already saying goodbye, and god know i wasn't ready to do that. This cousin has always been a sort of role model for me, and if it wasn't for her words, i still think i would be stuck wondering what i wanna do with my life. So now i figured i had to write about it to get it off my chest. this all happened cause her heart was broken....
I cam to some ideas about it, more so religious ideas...
Was she so hurt by the loss of love, that god knew, hew knew her pain and told her she could come home? not that god gives permission to kill yourself, but i mean while she was in a coma.
maybe our prayers reached him and he heard how much we still wanted her with us, there for a compromise had to be met . Does god compromise? he would make her forget him, but with a price, us as well. what harder...to hear ur child has died from attempted suicide, or to hear ur child doesn't know who you are from attempted suicide but you can make something as to why there in the hospital and don't remember for there sanity sakes? when one survives such a horrible thing, how do they feel about it after? We all have had thoughts of suicide, many of my friends say they have stopped cause they thought of how there family and friends would feel. so how blank is the mind when the thought of family doesn't even come up when you swallow each pill one by one?
Again a situation i guess i really don't kno about, Ive never been that far, nor do i wish i ever will be.... i feel better now..
Friday, June 6, 2008
Tattooed arms...
There is just something about a man with tattoos up and down his arms, the good ol' sleeve as it were. These men get distingushed in many ways.....A biker, a murderer perhapd , a loner, a alcholic, maybe even a coke dealer, or how about a rockstar! Why do we think these things, HA!!! I see the man with the tattoos and ill tell you what i see...a wonderful smile, a man who most likely laughed with the tattoo artist while getting them, a man who carefullly picked them out to suit who he is, wich might I add is not a murderer, or a biker *well maybe* or a loner, or a drinker* tho he is known to get drunk here and there* and im sure he doesn't do coke, Tho I could be wrong on that note.........
God Here I go blabbing about things I think I understand...
Im laughing at my own insanity and unjustified love affair with the one I don't even kno, remember when it was simple, and when u looked at someone, they were just a someone.....just a person....they didn't make ur heart skip, they didn't take ur breath away, they didn't cause u pain and hope all at once, they didn't become the most single important person in ur life...
Now here we stand, * my room-mate will understand this* older, wiser, or maybe its that were stupider for falling into the ocean of love, stupid love.....again I write about love, I guess that means im in it. I think im swimming in it pretty good so far. Tho I still wish I could go back......so that when I look at you, you didn't become everything I need. god I hate my emotions, or maybe because im "of age", I feel obligated to throw myself to such a situation.
I feel like u make me float, when all is lost, I see you and I float.....What other ways can I describe my screwed up sense about you. Its so obvious how I feel about u, but its so not even clear to me, maybe my heart has seeked and found the truth beyond the abyss, but my mind and soul are still standing here stranded, wounded, and wondering where the heart has fucked off to. WHY do we ask WHY do we love, when everyother day we ask why are we NOT in love. We look for it, when we never get it, when we get it, we run. As im doing now, I know how I feel but I seek a neverending all truth bearing answer that these feelings are all lies made up, like a human made from wax in a museum. so true to form,but nothing on the inside. I guess this is just as simple as it gets, love is love and we will never understand it till the day we perish. So since my heart seems to be M.I.A. to my mind and soul, does that mean that u truly have my heart, does this mean that my tears do fall for you, does this mean that every word that I write and every thought that surcums my mind shall only be of you? and therefor belong to u, even tho your own soul, mind and heart have no idea of all this exisitance of mine? how difficult does this love thing really have to be, why can't we see just eachother and you suddenly know how i feel, and we share the same feelings and our hearts choose to meet in the middle while our souls and minds shall follow. Maybe I'll see you standing in the middle of the street like a old romance movie, where the fog is thick , only one street light is on and there isn't a soul in sight, just you and just me..... can i live a old romance movie, where we dont even know eachother, but u see me, take me in your arms and admit your undieying love to me. The people who wrote those movies must of really been in great relationships, or had nothing but failed ones and there for created there own thru the silver screen. The one we all wish for, but I still can't help to think, there has to be some truth to them, after all there is un-conditional love , there is un-yielding love, there is un-deniable love, and its shown, and even tho my heart maynot be agreeing with me, these are the things its feeeling, atleast I think so... I have to stop for a second.....think of my next sentence.....
.................................................
you.......just you.....
the other day my cousin asked me if I had a secret love cause of my screen names on msn.....I denied anything, said there just lyrics...she looked at me odd, she knew.....I don't kno how or what but she knew. Does a women who is in love show it? when his name is said around her, does she start to illuminate, like a shinning star at night, can she say no to being ask if she loves him and not feel guilty? I hate writing about love, I deny it more then I can explain, but its all I write about. maybe in a verbal sense I cant speak of it, but here I can. A long time ago I fell in love, i'll honestly say I feel stupid for ever saying that was love, but since I was hurt so drastically i've decided it couldnt be anything else. Since then, love have a bittered enemy to me.....until him....again him....him.....WHY!?
so again i'll ask you, when u see a man with tattoos up and down his arms.....what do u label him as.....or do u just say, he is a man, that some girl is in love with.........
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