Today at work, what a good day at work it was to, I have just been sick for 4 days, so it was good to get back to a normal pace. It was a good day today at work.....
My mom called me after work...it was decided, our family cat of 13 years was going to be put down today...he was getting a serious case of gaingreen*sp* and pretty much had liver and kidney failure. He wasnt the same cat. My lil zander...the cat i held in the pet store like a baby the day we got him....mom went thru the paper work and he stared up at me the whole time with bright gold eyes, always searching my face for answers. As he lived with us, he got all the answers he needed. He was loved, cherished and spoiled. I can atleast say he lived a good life. I thought I would be better about this, I prepared myself for it. Now here I am crying in my room, my heart feels like its being ripped from my chest in small amounts. I keep saying dont cry but its just not that simple....not that simple at all. He was taken out to my uncles farm, he put him to sleep pretty much the same way vets did. I didnt go out there, I cudnt follow.....
Christmas day will be at my moms this year....but he wont be....my little zander....In the end his eyes were no longer him, Im not to sure what was left of him. We do this so they dont suffer, its a decision we make but its one that is never easy and one that rarely ever comes without tears.
The one thing I hate so much....he was taken to the farm, 20 minutes away....he is buried in a field in the middle of nowhere...snow covered....he wont be able to find us....his spirit will be lost, how can he watch us at home now, how can he watch ryley get bigger, the ONLY child he EVER let touch him...I guess there is nothin else I can really write about....I guess it was just somthin I had to get off my chest, as I knew the nite would be the time. well then I got lucky I guess, many people dont get to say final goodbyes....
so i picked him up kissed him on his head, held him to my cheeck an told him i loved him and would miss him.....many times...put him in the cat carrier and my brother came to collect him...that was that...as this point..well im sure you get the rest....R.I.P my lil prince cat, I will miss you so much...find my grandma up there, she will now be the lap you sit on, and I promise hers is just as warm as all of ours was down here...I love you...
Zander Beck
August 27 1998 - December 11 2008
.......Heaven just got brighter......
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