Find me, Find me, Find me

How did I get here....this sad excuse for which I breath my days away...My days will be endless and this is not the way I wish for them to be. So sad this repetitive sad excuse for my existence, having to hide...no having to store away who I really am...what I really am. Smile thru the thousand tears, stand up tall thru these unbreakable years. This life has made my true existence a fake, I pretend a show for all to admire. If only they could all understand, some day this won't be me,..someday I will awaken, my true self, my former self. Ive become aware of its existence sleeping within me, I just haven't regained the ideals on how to wake it up! When Ur sleeping with in yourself, and the life Ur living now keeps u subdued, and somewhat happy, how do u wake up Ur miserable existence that will take you away from the happiness? but you have no choice to do so. If you don't, u slowly destroy yourself , u slowly kill yourself even tho ur to live for much longer. How do I wake myself up , that part of me that wants to stay in slumber, but craves to awake and breath again.

Find me......I know your out there, and only recently u have felt my existence, the only one your looking for....I'm not talking soul mate I'm talking about a living existence that your already in, the one you want to drag myself into. You wont need to drag, ill follow. I feel obsolete in this life, I cant even explain what I have been feeling for the past 3-6 months, this power inside me, wanting to burst, like its time to let the world know of our existence, but I cant yet, not till your with me. Find me....Your so close, I know you are, I can feel it. My dreams....no ..my nightmares are telling me your close, find me.... I don't want to live this existence anymore, I'm ready to go, no not die, but to live. You have no idea how long Ive waited, or maybe you do, maybe you have been waiting longer. How many centuries has this hidden existence of mine been sleeping, how long have you been trying to wake it. have I met you in every life, and not soon enuf if , is that why I'm still repeating this life and death cycle? Sometimes when I think like this, I believe I'm going crazy, but everyday it gets stronger and stronger, deep down to my soul, no even beyond that if there is such a place, i know I'm meant for more then this "human" life. The world is over tomorrow....we don't have many years here left, the humans have ruined there chances, find me before it ends. I can live thru the world ending but I don't want to go thru the world rebuilding as I am now. My heart calls to u, so deeply its become a whisper. When I feel the wind blow suddenly I look around, as if there was a message in it, calling my name that I didn't recognize. When the rain falls now I imagine it the tears that we have felt thrue the centuries of us not being together. When the snow covers the ground, when its all white and pure, I feel like that's the emptiness that we are both feeling. Where are you...why haven't you found me yet? how long do you plan on living your existence without me? Please don't think I'm not ready ,....i am...i really am. Ive saved as much of myself for you, come save me from myself.....

Everything is changing...but you are the truth, my truth. loves have come and gone, hurt me, and been hurt by me....even so this proves more of my sadly lived life here that shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, there are people in this life that I would die for, that I would do anything for, this is why you need to find me, so I can save them....

Don't worry, I've always remembered what you said to me, even tho i don't remember you, I remember....

"...Don't cry, your not allowed to, its a weakness, you have to be stronger for everyone else, stronger then everyone else...."

"...Don't let anybody kno who you really are, what really is sealed in your soul...that's for us and only us..."

"...don't give yourself to anyone, that's a a sacred right that is for our existence only...."

"....Don't fall in love, its harder to let it go, and it will hurt u, and you become hard. sadly u will be living that life and you will fall in love and u will get hurt, for this I am sorry..."

"And when you feel like your dieing, or that ur existence is meaningless, you will begin to awaken, and that's when I will start searching for you..."


Sadly I did break one of those taboos, I fell in love a few times, I was hurt and I did become hard, tho I never have to worry about falling in love again. I know where my heart goes, I know where its true purpose belongs to.

There isn't anything in this world that I want more then for you to show up at my door. I looked to the skies, to the empty fields to the long roads and feel for your presence, listen for your voice and breath the air for your scent. When , how much longer....I'm sitting in my lil house, on my street,,...alone...always when I'm alone, its you I'm always thinking of. In moments of silence when no one is listening I send a silent prayer that you might hear, and then you will find me. Does my voice reach you, when I laugh can u hear it, when I cry can you feel that pain, for I rarely cry. Can you give me a small hint as to what I can do to help you get closer? Find me.....find me....find me...

there is nothing I want more,

Then for you, to show up and say that you found me....My existance, my life and my soul will finally become one....Find me....Just find me...