How did I get here....this sad excuse for which I breath my days away...My days will be endless and this is not the way I wish for them to be. So sad this repetitive sad excuse for my existence, having to hide...no having to store away who I really am...what I really am. Smile thru the thousand tears, stand up tall thru these unbreakable years. This life has made my true existence a fake, I pretend a show for all to admire. If only they could all understand, some day this won't be me,..someday I will awaken, my true self, my former self. Ive become aware of its existence sleeping within me, I just haven't regained the ideals on how to wake it up! When Ur sleeping with in yourself, and the life Ur living now keeps u subdued, and somewhat happy, how do u wake up Ur miserable existence that will take you away from the happiness? but you have no choice to do so. If you don't, u slowly destroy yourself , u slowly kill yourself even tho ur to live for much longer. How do I wake myself up , that part of me that wants to stay in slumber, but craves to awake and breath again.
Find me......I know your out there, and only recently u have felt my existence, the only one your looking for....I'm not talking soul mate I'm talking about a living existence that your already in, the one you want to drag myself into. You wont need to drag, ill follow. I feel obsolete in this life, I cant even explain what I have been feeling for the past 3-6 months, this power inside me, wanting to burst, like its time to let the world know of our existence, but I cant yet, not till your with me. Find me....Your so close, I know you are, I can feel it. My dreams....no ..my nightmares are telling me your close, find me.... I don't want to live this existence anymore, I'm ready to go, no not die, but to live. You have no idea how long Ive waited, or maybe you do, maybe you have been waiting longer. How many centuries has this hidden existence of mine been sleeping, how long have you been trying to wake it. have I met you in every life, and not soon enuf if , is that why I'm still repeating this life and death cycle? Sometimes when I think like this, I believe I'm going crazy, but everyday it gets stronger and stronger, deep down to my soul, no even beyond that if there is such a place, i know I'm meant for more then this "human" life. The world is over tomorrow....we don't have many years here left, the humans have ruined there chances, find me before it ends. I can live thru the world ending but I don't want to go thru the world rebuilding as I am now. My heart calls to u, so deeply its become a whisper. When I feel the wind blow suddenly I look around, as if there was a message in it, calling my name that I didn't recognize. When the rain falls now I imagine it the tears that we have felt thrue the centuries of us not being together. When the snow covers the ground, when its all white and pure, I feel like that's the emptiness that we are both feeling. Where are you...why haven't you found me yet? how long do you plan on living your existence without me? Please don't think I'm not ready ,....i am...i really am. Ive saved as much of myself for you, come save me from myself.....
Everything is changing...but you are the truth, my truth. loves have come and gone, hurt me, and been hurt by me....even so this proves more of my sadly lived life here that shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, there are people in this life that I would die for, that I would do anything for, this is why you need to find me, so I can save them....
Don't worry, I've always remembered what you said to me, even tho i don't remember you, I remember....
"...Don't cry, your not allowed to, its a weakness, you have to be stronger for everyone else, stronger then everyone else...."
"...Don't let anybody kno who you really are, what really is sealed in your soul...that's for us and only us..."
"...don't give yourself to anyone, that's a a sacred right that is for our existence only...."
"....Don't fall in love, its harder to let it go, and it will hurt u, and you become hard. sadly u will be living that life and you will fall in love and u will get hurt, for this I am sorry..."
"And when you feel like your dieing, or that ur existence is meaningless, you will begin to awaken, and that's when I will start searching for you..."
Sadly I did break one of those taboos, I fell in love a few times, I was hurt and I did become hard, tho I never have to worry about falling in love again. I know where my heart goes, I know where its true purpose belongs to.
There isn't anything in this world that I want more then for you to show up at my door. I looked to the skies, to the empty fields to the long roads and feel for your presence, listen for your voice and breath the air for your scent. When , how much longer....I'm sitting in my lil house, on my street,,...alone...always when I'm alone, its you I'm always thinking of. In moments of silence when no one is listening I send a silent prayer that you might hear, and then you will find me. Does my voice reach you, when I laugh can u hear it, when I cry can you feel that pain, for I rarely cry. Can you give me a small hint as to what I can do to help you get closer? Find me.....find me....find me...
there is nothing I want more,
Then for you, to show up and say that you found me....My existance, my life and my soul will finally become one....Find me....Just find me...
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
VAMPIRE HEART -random Chapter
This is a random chapter from my new book "Vampire Heart". Comment me what you think k! PLease try to ignore grammar and spelling mistakes lol i tried to get them all, thats not really my strong point hehehe, enjoy!
After the fight was over I took large breath to calm my nerves, what had just happened? Lillian had called me on, one of Kaname’s elite guards, and she threatened me, how could she?! And what’s worst off is the fact that when Lillian said she wish she could hit me it was more like a request from Kaname then a bold statement, and he neatly smiled and walked away as if you say it was ok. Who did that guy think he was? So what if he was some sort of a king, he wasn’t MY king! This is the 2000’s no one follows rules by a king anymore. None the less, Lillian understood him and made the swing for my head, I don’t even know how I fought back but I did, ending the fight with her body slammed against the closed door of my bathroom, Probably scared the shit out of whoever was inside. How did I win this though, how did I get an elite guard in my hands, elite huh? What did that actually entitle strength wise? Maybe it’s nothing more than a title for these people. These people.....who are these people...that question again in my mind, I look at kaname’s face for an answer but just as quickly as it surfaces kaname’s face and expression makes it disappear. I turn my attention back to Lillian who is still being held against the door by me.
“I said stop it Lillian, yes these guests are an unexpected invite and really shouldn’t be here, but don’t you dare spill any useless blood in my house, I don’t care how high and mighty you are, and how much you must follow kaname’s direction, this is my house and my city, here we don’t follow kings and such, so therefore if you are in my house you will follow my rule! Are we clear on this” I said while giving her one more little forceful push against the door. Even though I had her in my hands, I fully believed that she could turn this around and kill me within seconds. I did not fear Lillian, not at all, in fact she intrigued me, but the truth be told, it was the man standing behind me, Lillian’s captain, zero and naturally zeros brother, king, Kaname.
“It’s clear, now let me go! “She said while throwing my hand off with an ease. She stepped toward my face, as if to challenge me again. I could see the anger in her eyes, that she had simply just been humiliated by me in front of strangers, her fellow guards, her captain and of course her king. After finally gazing me down for a few more seconds she shoved pass me, hard enough that it hurt my shoulder. What and attitude I thought. This is the kind of people this king has for guards then maybe I’m surprised he is still alive, then again how many fights does he get into. But then there is the question of the 3 intruders, once they saw Kaname they knew who he was and each fell to a knee as one would do when greeting there king. A king...the king of what? I looked up at Kaname, he had this superficial grin on his face, suddenly it made my blood boil, who the hell did he think he was! First trying to court me then allowing his oh so special guard to attack me, not even trying to stop her! What was his issue? I was enraged! How dare he, how dare he play such mind games with me, how dare he think that I would sircome to him ever! I felt like almost growling, but instead I did what I was feeling i had no control over my body, I walked up to him and out of nowhere smacked him across the face.
“You asshole! Who the hell do you think you are! Do you always let your guards go around hitting people? There like your little toys that do whatever the hell you want them to, and more over you allow them to do such horrible things! This elite guard of yours, YOUR elite guard, so what, you’re a king! That doesn’t give you any rite to give order to harm people, and what about these 3 here them bowing down to you suddenly! Why are you still smiling you such an ass!!!”
I felt my fist ball up and swear I was going to punch him, but as my hand went back it never came forward, I realized that zero had grabbed my wrist. And he wasn’t being nice about either. He pulled me so my back landed against his chest then with his one arm holding my wrist in the air he use his other arm and wrapped it around my shoulders, holding me so tight that it hurt. I knew that he wasn’t holding me in a seductive way, this was more of killing way, and I could almost feel the murderous intent in the air. I knew I could never take zero on, never in a million years. He just held me there, everyone stood quiet, and my guests were shocked, my friends were mad and ready to jump them but my eye to eye contact with them told them different. I think they knew just as much as I did full well that these people, these elite guards and there king, could kill us!
It partially happened, I let my guard down to a guy, I let him get into my mind and look what’s happened, I may have pretty much let a group of self absorbed serial killers into my house! I finally could no longer stand the silence and began to speak.
“I bet your just some rich kid, from a wealthy family, always been spoiled , paid these people to be your friends, the older of the 2 between you and zero, you got the family fortune, he got nothing more than to follow you like a lost puppy. I bet your nothing more than a womanizer, thinking you can get any girl you want, sure I’m confused why you wanted me, but maybe that’s your intentions, pick on the weak right. You piss me off, your nothing more than a fake, how did your parents raise you to be such a liar!”
I didn’t know it but I had struck a severe nerve with the brothers, and the rest as well, zero tightened his grip around me, Lillian, rusty, and Michael stared at me with absolute shock, obviously what I had just said was way out of line, which part though? I was getting somewhere; I was getting answers, could I push this a little farther before it got real bad? I never did like the phrase “stop while you’re ahead”, but what about the one “stop before your dead?” I chuckled to myself; I want to know what made them so mad, so I took a guess on the last comment, the parents.
“I’m sorry did I make you all upset, don’t scorn the name of the past king and queen, is that it? Really what kind of parents let their son get such a large head he calls himself a king, and even gets others to call him a king? Were you honestly spoiled that much, And why you the king? Let me guess you were the star son and zero didn’t catch up, that’s why you’re playing king and he is only playing captain, Right zero? Sounds like your parents were simply all about hi-class stuff am I right, show off the better of the 2, some parents. Or is it cause you’re not really fully brothers, you look nothing alike, perhaps the king had some affair with a low life women, resulting in you zero, perhaps you were ignored.... I bet you guys had no idea what love really was....” I couldn’t even finish, I had hit the right chord, maybe a little too much.
“Shut up you worthless girl! You have no idea what you’re talking about! You think that you can slander our parents name like that, claiming they had no love for us, you have no idea what happened, you have no idea what we went thru as children, your clueless, talking like that about pureblood royalties will only get you killed!” zero yelled and he began to put his forearm around my neck. He was slowly cutting off my air. Again my friend wanted to jump him but I looked at them again with eyes that said don’t you dare, he will kill all of us. I truly had opened a Pandora’s Box upon the people in my house.
“Zero....let her go...” Kaname said to break the thickened silence, zero immediately release me from his grip and just in time for i was nearly passing out. I coughed a little and looked around, my friends and guests had horrible looks on their faces, and the guards were all standing firm ready to jump at any time. I remembered that Kaname had his katana with him, where was it now I wondered, did he bring it in here for a reason. I realized then that perhaps I did go a little too far, and now everyone was in danger. For some reason though I didn’t care, I didn’t know how I could be so heartless but I wanted to know everything about Kaname, his brother and the people they surround themselves with. And most of all, why they call him there king. Kaname interrupted my deep interrogated thought and forcibly grabbed my arm, he jerked me towards him so I landed face first into his chest, he then took 2 steps and opened the door to my bedroom, swung me around and threw me inside of it and stood in the door way, staring me down. This wasn’t good, his smile was gone, he was very unhappy, the only human in this world I truly feared was him, and I had purposely pissed him off.
“Zero ...”
“Sir?”
“You will not let anyone enter this room while I’m in here, is that understood?” he said while staring at me. He was putting a guard at the door? Wait Kaname was going to lock him and me in here...together? Oh this really wasn’t good, not at all, did I piss him off that much? Was he going to hurt me, rape me? Kill me? NOW was the time I wanted one of my friends to call the police, but I knew those damn guards would never allow it, even without giving a single order Kaname and them all thought alike and followed everything Kaname tells them.
“sire, or course sir, I won’t let anyone disturb you” zero said as he looked at me with a satisfying look, as if to say, you’re getting what you deserve wench. And with that he closed the door on me and Kaname. Kaname took a step towards me, not uttering a word, my room was small, and so I was already up against my bed. With only a few more steps we were face to face, even though he was nearly a whole foot taller them me, I didn’t take my eyes off of his. Even though I was scared beyond compare, I wasn’t going to show him that. He had shown me nothing but kindness up to this point, but everyone knows there are 2 sides to each fence, I guess I had always been on the nice newly painted clean side, only god knew what was on the other, maybe this even had nothing to do with god anymore.
Next thing I knew I was shoved onto the bed, it was such a shock that I couldn’t even try not to fall and landed on my back, suddenly Kaname was leaning over me, straddling me, one leg between mine, he forcefully grabbed both my hands with just his one and forcefully held them above my head, his strength was un match able, I couldn’t believe something like this was happening to me. I could hear my friends outside the door begging zero to let them in, I could tell he didn’t have to say anything to them to let them know his answer. This was really really bad, I needed to fight, I knew that, I needed to get away but my body was being held down, no my body was frozen, as much as I knew I had to get out of there, my body wasn’t responding, what was he thinking, I could never tell what he was thinking, I could only hope that it was something that wouldn’t hurt me. He brought his face to mine, his dark eyes staring at my eyes, no not at them, more like thru them, rich kid, king or personality complex, it didn’t matter, this guy had power that I was sure of. His lips were so close to mine, close enough that all I had to do was almost breath and they would touch, thank god I was to afraid to even take a breath at that moment.
“Your rather brave girl, first attempting a fight with Lillian, then insulting zero and myself while zero his holding you, and more over making a bad name on our parents. That’s the thing about you foolish people, you never think before you speak. If I was you, I would be careful what grounds you’re treading on, you never know who the land belongs to. “
“ Kaname, I never called Lillian on, I asked her to leave those guests alone, she didn’t listen and was going to attack them, you were going to let her, I had to do something.” I was ok, I was keeping my cool, and Conversation was the best answer to this problem right now.
“Those guests were uninvited and the guards job was not to let anyone in the house that wasn’t invited in, those were your words to them. They acknowledged that and followed through.”
“I never said I wanted people killed, and over all they knew who you were but she was still going to hurt them, and when I tried to stop her all she wanted to do was to hit me.....and you.....and you......and you let her, you allowed her to attack me, what’s wrong with you?”
I was getting all boiled up again, I was getting mad, mad at him for allowing it, mad at him for making me feel safe and then not, mad at him for him being able to attack my straight sense of thinking.
“Susan....you couldn’t of hurt Lillian in the least bit, and frankly she could’ve snapped you like a twig, but she knew what she was doing, she let you win, she knew there was nothing more she could do, she would never be allowed to harm you. THAT was MY orders, regardless of that, you stepped over when you spoke of my family in such a disrespectable manner, you should truly get your facts straight, or maybe not speak from emotions. You’ve sort of upset me.....and now here you are being pinned to your bed by my body and you’re trembling ever so slightly. I must say I become more and fonder of you every day, you never seize to amaze me, but you actually have the power to upset me, how intriguing. I hope it’s not a death wish you have fore I would be sad to lose such a charismatic one such as yourself.”
“Kaname...I’m sorry I never meant to make you Mad., it’s just...It was like you didn’t care that she attacked me, like it was sport for you to watch. I’m sorry I disrespected your family, i needed to get answers, get some sort of rise out of you so what is it you want me to think, you’re a man claiming to be a king with a 3 guards and a prince for a captain, these things don’t happen. why would you let that happen, me attacking Lillian, I don’t even like violence and to be honest that’s like the real first fight I’ve even been in and I didn’t even truly win if she gave up on her own. Why are you playing this mind game with me, I rather you just leave me alone if that’s the case, I won’t be one of your toys.”
“HAHA oh Susan, there is so much you need not to know, not yet anyways, you have to admit, this all has made this night very interesting wouldn’t you say. And I promise you my dear I am not playing mind games with you. You yourself are turning it into that. And I assure you I am a king and zero is a prince and those guards out there could kill and army of 300 men in minutes, so best not to temper them. “
I lied there silent, staring at him, was he telling the truth, were they THAT dangerous, to honestly be able to kill, and to kill that many in one shot, well, there is no way they could be ....human.... I was no longer intrigued; i was petrified, i wanted out of the room, out of that house right then.
I could feel myself wanting to cry, but i held it in. I felt like i was a little puppy, being trained by a cruel master, this wasn’t fair, i hated him, but even as i thought that, it didn’t stop kaname’s lips from suddenly pressing against mine. He forced his tongue into my mouth and against my better judgement my tongue answered to his. Why was i doing this, why was i allowing him to keep toying with me, like a damn puppet on a string. He continued to hold my arms with one hand, while the other suddenly made its way to the bottom edge of my shirt. He wasn’t thinking anything crazy I hope. I couldn’t even get another thought in when suddenly his hand was on my skin, his whole hand caressing my side. To my shock, his hands were freezing, as if they had just come out of the freezer. I took in a sharp breath, that area was sensitive enough even without cold hands.
“Kaname....your hand is freezing, it’s like you just walked in from playing in snow....”
“Is that so, my apologies for not warning you, but I think this way it makes you more agitated don’t you think...”
He returned his lips to mine, his hand ever so slowly caressing my bare skin, his hand never got warmer and the Goosebumps never went away. He loosened his grip on my hands and I freed one, but instead of what I wanted it to do (push him off) it went to his side and clung to his shirt under his open coat. His tongue continued to explore the inner depth of my mouth, and my body began to respond in the way I never wanted it to do. Even though his hand was freezing, my body was boiling. Was he a true king, a real name or royalty, and was I really making out with him? One of my friends yelling my name outside brought me back down to earth, what was i doing, i was playing right into his little game. I hated him, more now than ever, I pulled my face from his.
“Kaname, get off, I won’t let you mess with my mind like this, I told you before no guy has ever brought me down to that standard and you won’t be the first, rich kid or king, it don’t matter you’re not going to get to me. “ I said while now staring him in the eyes.
“is that so, then tell me Susan, why is your heart pounding forcefully fast in your chest, and why is your breathing shallow and quickened, and why does your blood.....yes your blood flow hot and furiously through your veins. I can hear it all, I can feel it all, it plainly makes you more and more irresistible to me, and it also says that you’re clearly enjoying this.” He said with a smirk, and almost evil smirk. Hear my heart? Here my blood? Who, no what was this guy.
“...get off....get off Kaname, I don’t want to do this anymore, get off of me, I’m not going to submit to someone like you, GET OFF!!” I was so shocked at my yelling at him that I didn’t realize he got off, when I did notice he was fixing his shirt from where I had griped it, when did I let go? I just lied there almost exhausted from everything that had happened in the past 20 minutes, this was almost too much. I finally sat up, almost feeling light headed.
“For the record Susan to clear a few things up, mainly just so zero doesn’t rip your head off...” I suddenly caught my breath...Can’t say I liked the way he said that, I knew it was true.
“Our parents are dead, both of them were murdered by a friend of the family, sadly both zero and I were there to witness it, and when he came after us next....well....that’s all you need to know”
I stared at him in disbelief, was he serious, murdered, in front of them, they were also attacked, was he lying...no I could tell by the sudden distasteful look on his face he wasn’t lying, not at all. I suddenly felt like the biggest piece of trash. He was right I should have thought before I spoke. How awful to lose both your parents to murder and to have it done in front of you though that might explain his dark interior. None the less, I knew I had stepped way over the line, and as much as I hated to do so, I owed him and zero both one hell of an apology.
“I’m sorry Kaname, I mean I’m so sorry, I truly had no idea....I...I have no idea what to say, I went too far, I was just uptight about you letter Lillian attack me..And...And....”
“I never expected you to sircome to my sort of will Susan, thats why I like you, you’re the rare type of girl who isn’t easily mislead and your not weak, but I myself don’t tell lies my dear, and everything I tell you is the truth, there for yes, I will except your apology but even as un-sircoming you are, please believe the words that come out of my mouth, are were understood?”
I looked at him for a moment, this man, this man in front of me, it’s like he had the powers of a god, the looks of an angel and the eyes of a demon and the motives of a devil. Who was I to him, what was i to him. Then i remembered something that zero had said...pure-blooded royalties...what was that.
“Kaname, a question....what did zero mean by pure-blooded royalties, what is it your king of, can you please help me understand that?” This time i said it while gripping his arm, his face suddenly turned gentle and he smiled, kneeled down to my level and spoke.
“He never meant anything by it, pureblood most likely just meant that were of hire status that’s all, and as for king, well, that’s simple, I’m king of my people that’s that. We don’t own any land or country, we just own ourselves, and to me they are all devoted.”
“But why, how can you have a king with no kingdom and people with no place, I’m so confused...”
He made a little chuckle and stood up, placing his hand on my head and ruffling with my hair.
“maybe someday I will explain it all to you, come lets return to the party, your friends and guests are giving my grumpy brother a hard time, and he is impossible to deal with when he is cranky like that.”
And just like that Kaname walked out the door, the same old sweet and gentle Kaname i had known before, but now, who was this dark and mysterious Kaname, this one who threatened my essence, this one who made my blood boil, and this one who made me frightened? As my friends all rushed in to see if i was still breathing, I just stared at him while he conversed with zero, who was King Kaname Kurgan, and what was I to him?
END
After the fight was over I took large breath to calm my nerves, what had just happened? Lillian had called me on, one of Kaname’s elite guards, and she threatened me, how could she?! And what’s worst off is the fact that when Lillian said she wish she could hit me it was more like a request from Kaname then a bold statement, and he neatly smiled and walked away as if you say it was ok. Who did that guy think he was? So what if he was some sort of a king, he wasn’t MY king! This is the 2000’s no one follows rules by a king anymore. None the less, Lillian understood him and made the swing for my head, I don’t even know how I fought back but I did, ending the fight with her body slammed against the closed door of my bathroom, Probably scared the shit out of whoever was inside. How did I win this though, how did I get an elite guard in my hands, elite huh? What did that actually entitle strength wise? Maybe it’s nothing more than a title for these people. These people.....who are these people...that question again in my mind, I look at kaname’s face for an answer but just as quickly as it surfaces kaname’s face and expression makes it disappear. I turn my attention back to Lillian who is still being held against the door by me.
“I said stop it Lillian, yes these guests are an unexpected invite and really shouldn’t be here, but don’t you dare spill any useless blood in my house, I don’t care how high and mighty you are, and how much you must follow kaname’s direction, this is my house and my city, here we don’t follow kings and such, so therefore if you are in my house you will follow my rule! Are we clear on this” I said while giving her one more little forceful push against the door. Even though I had her in my hands, I fully believed that she could turn this around and kill me within seconds. I did not fear Lillian, not at all, in fact she intrigued me, but the truth be told, it was the man standing behind me, Lillian’s captain, zero and naturally zeros brother, king, Kaname.
“It’s clear, now let me go! “She said while throwing my hand off with an ease. She stepped toward my face, as if to challenge me again. I could see the anger in her eyes, that she had simply just been humiliated by me in front of strangers, her fellow guards, her captain and of course her king. After finally gazing me down for a few more seconds she shoved pass me, hard enough that it hurt my shoulder. What and attitude I thought. This is the kind of people this king has for guards then maybe I’m surprised he is still alive, then again how many fights does he get into. But then there is the question of the 3 intruders, once they saw Kaname they knew who he was and each fell to a knee as one would do when greeting there king. A king...the king of what? I looked up at Kaname, he had this superficial grin on his face, suddenly it made my blood boil, who the hell did he think he was! First trying to court me then allowing his oh so special guard to attack me, not even trying to stop her! What was his issue? I was enraged! How dare he, how dare he play such mind games with me, how dare he think that I would sircome to him ever! I felt like almost growling, but instead I did what I was feeling i had no control over my body, I walked up to him and out of nowhere smacked him across the face.
“You asshole! Who the hell do you think you are! Do you always let your guards go around hitting people? There like your little toys that do whatever the hell you want them to, and more over you allow them to do such horrible things! This elite guard of yours, YOUR elite guard, so what, you’re a king! That doesn’t give you any rite to give order to harm people, and what about these 3 here them bowing down to you suddenly! Why are you still smiling you such an ass!!!”
I felt my fist ball up and swear I was going to punch him, but as my hand went back it never came forward, I realized that zero had grabbed my wrist. And he wasn’t being nice about either. He pulled me so my back landed against his chest then with his one arm holding my wrist in the air he use his other arm and wrapped it around my shoulders, holding me so tight that it hurt. I knew that he wasn’t holding me in a seductive way, this was more of killing way, and I could almost feel the murderous intent in the air. I knew I could never take zero on, never in a million years. He just held me there, everyone stood quiet, and my guests were shocked, my friends were mad and ready to jump them but my eye to eye contact with them told them different. I think they knew just as much as I did full well that these people, these elite guards and there king, could kill us!
It partially happened, I let my guard down to a guy, I let him get into my mind and look what’s happened, I may have pretty much let a group of self absorbed serial killers into my house! I finally could no longer stand the silence and began to speak.
“I bet your just some rich kid, from a wealthy family, always been spoiled , paid these people to be your friends, the older of the 2 between you and zero, you got the family fortune, he got nothing more than to follow you like a lost puppy. I bet your nothing more than a womanizer, thinking you can get any girl you want, sure I’m confused why you wanted me, but maybe that’s your intentions, pick on the weak right. You piss me off, your nothing more than a fake, how did your parents raise you to be such a liar!”
I didn’t know it but I had struck a severe nerve with the brothers, and the rest as well, zero tightened his grip around me, Lillian, rusty, and Michael stared at me with absolute shock, obviously what I had just said was way out of line, which part though? I was getting somewhere; I was getting answers, could I push this a little farther before it got real bad? I never did like the phrase “stop while you’re ahead”, but what about the one “stop before your dead?” I chuckled to myself; I want to know what made them so mad, so I took a guess on the last comment, the parents.
“I’m sorry did I make you all upset, don’t scorn the name of the past king and queen, is that it? Really what kind of parents let their son get such a large head he calls himself a king, and even gets others to call him a king? Were you honestly spoiled that much, And why you the king? Let me guess you were the star son and zero didn’t catch up, that’s why you’re playing king and he is only playing captain, Right zero? Sounds like your parents were simply all about hi-class stuff am I right, show off the better of the 2, some parents. Or is it cause you’re not really fully brothers, you look nothing alike, perhaps the king had some affair with a low life women, resulting in you zero, perhaps you were ignored.... I bet you guys had no idea what love really was....” I couldn’t even finish, I had hit the right chord, maybe a little too much.
“Shut up you worthless girl! You have no idea what you’re talking about! You think that you can slander our parents name like that, claiming they had no love for us, you have no idea what happened, you have no idea what we went thru as children, your clueless, talking like that about pureblood royalties will only get you killed!” zero yelled and he began to put his forearm around my neck. He was slowly cutting off my air. Again my friend wanted to jump him but I looked at them again with eyes that said don’t you dare, he will kill all of us. I truly had opened a Pandora’s Box upon the people in my house.
“Zero....let her go...” Kaname said to break the thickened silence, zero immediately release me from his grip and just in time for i was nearly passing out. I coughed a little and looked around, my friends and guests had horrible looks on their faces, and the guards were all standing firm ready to jump at any time. I remembered that Kaname had his katana with him, where was it now I wondered, did he bring it in here for a reason. I realized then that perhaps I did go a little too far, and now everyone was in danger. For some reason though I didn’t care, I didn’t know how I could be so heartless but I wanted to know everything about Kaname, his brother and the people they surround themselves with. And most of all, why they call him there king. Kaname interrupted my deep interrogated thought and forcibly grabbed my arm, he jerked me towards him so I landed face first into his chest, he then took 2 steps and opened the door to my bedroom, swung me around and threw me inside of it and stood in the door way, staring me down. This wasn’t good, his smile was gone, he was very unhappy, the only human in this world I truly feared was him, and I had purposely pissed him off.
“Zero ...”
“Sir?”
“You will not let anyone enter this room while I’m in here, is that understood?” he said while staring at me. He was putting a guard at the door? Wait Kaname was going to lock him and me in here...together? Oh this really wasn’t good, not at all, did I piss him off that much? Was he going to hurt me, rape me? Kill me? NOW was the time I wanted one of my friends to call the police, but I knew those damn guards would never allow it, even without giving a single order Kaname and them all thought alike and followed everything Kaname tells them.
“sire, or course sir, I won’t let anyone disturb you” zero said as he looked at me with a satisfying look, as if to say, you’re getting what you deserve wench. And with that he closed the door on me and Kaname. Kaname took a step towards me, not uttering a word, my room was small, and so I was already up against my bed. With only a few more steps we were face to face, even though he was nearly a whole foot taller them me, I didn’t take my eyes off of his. Even though I was scared beyond compare, I wasn’t going to show him that. He had shown me nothing but kindness up to this point, but everyone knows there are 2 sides to each fence, I guess I had always been on the nice newly painted clean side, only god knew what was on the other, maybe this even had nothing to do with god anymore.
Next thing I knew I was shoved onto the bed, it was such a shock that I couldn’t even try not to fall and landed on my back, suddenly Kaname was leaning over me, straddling me, one leg between mine, he forcefully grabbed both my hands with just his one and forcefully held them above my head, his strength was un match able, I couldn’t believe something like this was happening to me. I could hear my friends outside the door begging zero to let them in, I could tell he didn’t have to say anything to them to let them know his answer. This was really really bad, I needed to fight, I knew that, I needed to get away but my body was being held down, no my body was frozen, as much as I knew I had to get out of there, my body wasn’t responding, what was he thinking, I could never tell what he was thinking, I could only hope that it was something that wouldn’t hurt me. He brought his face to mine, his dark eyes staring at my eyes, no not at them, more like thru them, rich kid, king or personality complex, it didn’t matter, this guy had power that I was sure of. His lips were so close to mine, close enough that all I had to do was almost breath and they would touch, thank god I was to afraid to even take a breath at that moment.
“Your rather brave girl, first attempting a fight with Lillian, then insulting zero and myself while zero his holding you, and more over making a bad name on our parents. That’s the thing about you foolish people, you never think before you speak. If I was you, I would be careful what grounds you’re treading on, you never know who the land belongs to. “
“ Kaname, I never called Lillian on, I asked her to leave those guests alone, she didn’t listen and was going to attack them, you were going to let her, I had to do something.” I was ok, I was keeping my cool, and Conversation was the best answer to this problem right now.
“Those guests were uninvited and the guards job was not to let anyone in the house that wasn’t invited in, those were your words to them. They acknowledged that and followed through.”
“I never said I wanted people killed, and over all they knew who you were but she was still going to hurt them, and when I tried to stop her all she wanted to do was to hit me.....and you.....and you......and you let her, you allowed her to attack me, what’s wrong with you?”
I was getting all boiled up again, I was getting mad, mad at him for allowing it, mad at him for making me feel safe and then not, mad at him for him being able to attack my straight sense of thinking.
“Susan....you couldn’t of hurt Lillian in the least bit, and frankly she could’ve snapped you like a twig, but she knew what she was doing, she let you win, she knew there was nothing more she could do, she would never be allowed to harm you. THAT was MY orders, regardless of that, you stepped over when you spoke of my family in such a disrespectable manner, you should truly get your facts straight, or maybe not speak from emotions. You’ve sort of upset me.....and now here you are being pinned to your bed by my body and you’re trembling ever so slightly. I must say I become more and fonder of you every day, you never seize to amaze me, but you actually have the power to upset me, how intriguing. I hope it’s not a death wish you have fore I would be sad to lose such a charismatic one such as yourself.”
“Kaname...I’m sorry I never meant to make you Mad., it’s just...It was like you didn’t care that she attacked me, like it was sport for you to watch. I’m sorry I disrespected your family, i needed to get answers, get some sort of rise out of you so what is it you want me to think, you’re a man claiming to be a king with a 3 guards and a prince for a captain, these things don’t happen. why would you let that happen, me attacking Lillian, I don’t even like violence and to be honest that’s like the real first fight I’ve even been in and I didn’t even truly win if she gave up on her own. Why are you playing this mind game with me, I rather you just leave me alone if that’s the case, I won’t be one of your toys.”
“HAHA oh Susan, there is so much you need not to know, not yet anyways, you have to admit, this all has made this night very interesting wouldn’t you say. And I promise you my dear I am not playing mind games with you. You yourself are turning it into that. And I assure you I am a king and zero is a prince and those guards out there could kill and army of 300 men in minutes, so best not to temper them. “
I lied there silent, staring at him, was he telling the truth, were they THAT dangerous, to honestly be able to kill, and to kill that many in one shot, well, there is no way they could be ....human.... I was no longer intrigued; i was petrified, i wanted out of the room, out of that house right then.
I could feel myself wanting to cry, but i held it in. I felt like i was a little puppy, being trained by a cruel master, this wasn’t fair, i hated him, but even as i thought that, it didn’t stop kaname’s lips from suddenly pressing against mine. He forced his tongue into my mouth and against my better judgement my tongue answered to his. Why was i doing this, why was i allowing him to keep toying with me, like a damn puppet on a string. He continued to hold my arms with one hand, while the other suddenly made its way to the bottom edge of my shirt. He wasn’t thinking anything crazy I hope. I couldn’t even get another thought in when suddenly his hand was on my skin, his whole hand caressing my side. To my shock, his hands were freezing, as if they had just come out of the freezer. I took in a sharp breath, that area was sensitive enough even without cold hands.
“Kaname....your hand is freezing, it’s like you just walked in from playing in snow....”
“Is that so, my apologies for not warning you, but I think this way it makes you more agitated don’t you think...”
He returned his lips to mine, his hand ever so slowly caressing my bare skin, his hand never got warmer and the Goosebumps never went away. He loosened his grip on my hands and I freed one, but instead of what I wanted it to do (push him off) it went to his side and clung to his shirt under his open coat. His tongue continued to explore the inner depth of my mouth, and my body began to respond in the way I never wanted it to do. Even though his hand was freezing, my body was boiling. Was he a true king, a real name or royalty, and was I really making out with him? One of my friends yelling my name outside brought me back down to earth, what was i doing, i was playing right into his little game. I hated him, more now than ever, I pulled my face from his.
“Kaname, get off, I won’t let you mess with my mind like this, I told you before no guy has ever brought me down to that standard and you won’t be the first, rich kid or king, it don’t matter you’re not going to get to me. “ I said while now staring him in the eyes.
“is that so, then tell me Susan, why is your heart pounding forcefully fast in your chest, and why is your breathing shallow and quickened, and why does your blood.....yes your blood flow hot and furiously through your veins. I can hear it all, I can feel it all, it plainly makes you more and more irresistible to me, and it also says that you’re clearly enjoying this.” He said with a smirk, and almost evil smirk. Hear my heart? Here my blood? Who, no what was this guy.
“...get off....get off Kaname, I don’t want to do this anymore, get off of me, I’m not going to submit to someone like you, GET OFF!!” I was so shocked at my yelling at him that I didn’t realize he got off, when I did notice he was fixing his shirt from where I had griped it, when did I let go? I just lied there almost exhausted from everything that had happened in the past 20 minutes, this was almost too much. I finally sat up, almost feeling light headed.
“For the record Susan to clear a few things up, mainly just so zero doesn’t rip your head off...” I suddenly caught my breath...Can’t say I liked the way he said that, I knew it was true.
“Our parents are dead, both of them were murdered by a friend of the family, sadly both zero and I were there to witness it, and when he came after us next....well....that’s all you need to know”
I stared at him in disbelief, was he serious, murdered, in front of them, they were also attacked, was he lying...no I could tell by the sudden distasteful look on his face he wasn’t lying, not at all. I suddenly felt like the biggest piece of trash. He was right I should have thought before I spoke. How awful to lose both your parents to murder and to have it done in front of you though that might explain his dark interior. None the less, I knew I had stepped way over the line, and as much as I hated to do so, I owed him and zero both one hell of an apology.
“I’m sorry Kaname, I mean I’m so sorry, I truly had no idea....I...I have no idea what to say, I went too far, I was just uptight about you letter Lillian attack me..And...And....”
“I never expected you to sircome to my sort of will Susan, thats why I like you, you’re the rare type of girl who isn’t easily mislead and your not weak, but I myself don’t tell lies my dear, and everything I tell you is the truth, there for yes, I will except your apology but even as un-sircoming you are, please believe the words that come out of my mouth, are were understood?”
I looked at him for a moment, this man, this man in front of me, it’s like he had the powers of a god, the looks of an angel and the eyes of a demon and the motives of a devil. Who was I to him, what was i to him. Then i remembered something that zero had said...pure-blooded royalties...what was that.
“Kaname, a question....what did zero mean by pure-blooded royalties, what is it your king of, can you please help me understand that?” This time i said it while gripping his arm, his face suddenly turned gentle and he smiled, kneeled down to my level and spoke.
“He never meant anything by it, pureblood most likely just meant that were of hire status that’s all, and as for king, well, that’s simple, I’m king of my people that’s that. We don’t own any land or country, we just own ourselves, and to me they are all devoted.”
“But why, how can you have a king with no kingdom and people with no place, I’m so confused...”
He made a little chuckle and stood up, placing his hand on my head and ruffling with my hair.
“maybe someday I will explain it all to you, come lets return to the party, your friends and guests are giving my grumpy brother a hard time, and he is impossible to deal with when he is cranky like that.”
And just like that Kaname walked out the door, the same old sweet and gentle Kaname i had known before, but now, who was this dark and mysterious Kaname, this one who threatened my essence, this one who made my blood boil, and this one who made me frightened? As my friends all rushed in to see if i was still breathing, I just stared at him while he conversed with zero, who was King Kaname Kurgan, and what was I to him?
END
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